Twice in two days my wife has caused me to take a good photograph. Yesterday it was, “whale! there!” and I snapped the photo that graced today’s poem. It was one of those point-shoot-hope-you-have-it-pointed-right kind of things. Today almost occurred the same way. She pointed to a swooping bird and asked, “Is that an eagle?” Yes, it was, and thankfully I resisted the urge to zoom in with the telephoto. I don’t think I could have captured the bird otherwise. Better to zoom in the editing phase. (Thank you, digital darkroom!) Not that I didn’t zoom, but the above photo represents only 50-60% of the original.
In another poem I’ll try to convey this weird feeling I have that a pretty decent vacation isn’t going that well. This moodiness infects me on quite a few vacations, and I joyfully welcome all the times I just seem to go with the flow and have a great time, despite inevitable setbacks. It seems enjoying yourself takes precedent to enjoying the vacation. Today, I’m just trying to capture today.
Gray whale tail off Yaquina Head, north of Newport, OR. August 2026.
Another paradisiacal day
surrounded by memories, good, bad, indifferent. golf, tantalizing money suck; couldn't do it now anyway. constant gray weather wearing her down, then wearing me down. whales! no, just rocks. but birds: familiar, strange, tiny, grand. trip's end trips up more often than not. "What do you want to do?" "I dunno. What do you?" Bumper-to-bumper others live out their dream while we duck into breweries. No dinner plans almost equals no dinner. "What should we do tomorrow?"
I wasn’t going to publish this, but I have nothing else to post.
“Come,” they say, “let us get wine, let us fill ourselves of strong drink; and tomorrow will be like this day, great beyond measure.”
—Isaiah 56:12
Everybody has plans until they get hit for the first time.
—Mike Tyson’s original quote, 1987
I didn't have plans, assumed life just carried on unchanging at its core. Her
"I want out"
paralyzed me, uprooted me from where I'd planted myself: in challenging soil, yet gamely trying. She saw it similarly, acted where I could not: shook my dust from her sandals, moved on.
A younger she healed me or I healed myself while healing her, perhaps, unable to address what drove her to like me at all. "Rapacious" said those gossips around me. "You lucky bastard" from some friends.
We parted semi-friends permitting my truer healing with my truer partner, this time with eyes open, no longer encumbered by thinking tomorrow mimics today. No longer presuming it will last. No longer secure: I take nothing for granted, stay present today instead of presuming tomorrow.
Man, I hurt. My accident of three weeks ago has left me two stiff knees, broken bones in both forearms, assorted pain I think is more broken bones in my hands and wrists, and perhaps a strained tendon in the ankle which rolled. My shoulder hurts from what I suspect is bursitis, and if I told you how it occurred doing nothing you would shake your head. The minor but ever-present ache in my right hip seems almost superfluous at this point. All of this inspired this poem.
August 2026.
New pains attack daily. Old ones settle in like fringe relatives who won't leave. Memories don't fail, they crowd each other out. Challenges also pile up, sapping desire to grapple 'yet again' with those never- ending tasks which repeat.
But....
Small moments harbor poignancy unfelt in youthful years. Sunsets seem more magical, plants more interesting. Good meals sustain constant pleasure. Music, books span decades! Undoable projects, now doable. Time? Alternately your friend, your enemy.
In 2011 I had one of the most serendipitously good book-buying experiences of my life. Perhaps it was aided by occurring in the middle of a family vacation I had arranged. My little family (parents, brother, niece, and wife) had gathered in a vacation rental on a bluff just north of Newport, OR, overlooking the Pacific Ocean. On a typically rainy day in early October we trotted from shop to shop in the Nye Beach district. Seeing a quaint bookstore, I headed up the stairs.
Inside, a multi-leveled converted house crammed full of books greeted us. I purchased four wonderful books, used. For very little money I bought:
The Book of Bob, by Paul Chasman, easily the weakest book of the four, but highly enjoyable nevertheless. “In the beginning, Bob didn’t plan to start a religion; it just happened.” That’s the opening line. Written during the two George W. Bush administrations, it takes a swipe at them, but mostly it pokes fun at the craziness of American society and religion, of course.
Buddenbrooks: The Decline of a Family by Thomas Mann. What a fantastic introduction to Thomas Mann! And fittingly, it was his first novel. Primarily chronicling the decline of a wealthy north German merchant family—images of which still reside in memory, popping out on occasion—it also gives a great portrait of the wealthy in Hamburg in the middle decades of the 1800’s. Though it was published 125 years ago, it reads “more modern” when compared to other authors publishing 1880-1925.
Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy, translated by Richard Pevear and Larissa Volokhonsky. The translators won the PEN/Book-of-the-Month Club Translation Prize for this work. Their comment was: “In their version, Anna Karenin becomes a surprising rediscovery…..Pevear and Volokhonsky may truly be said to be the reinventors of the classic Russian novel for out time.” Seeing this on the back cover and knowing it had received good press, when I saw it for ridiculously low price….
Shadow Country by Peter Matthiessen. It’s difficult to say how much this book has impacted me. I tumbled for Matthiessen’s The Snow Leopard in the very early 1980’s, and when I read Killing Mr. Watson sometime in the late 1990’s or early 2000’s, I just got captured by this vague, tenuous storyline which fictionalizes a real historical event: the killing of Edgar “Bloody” Watson by a posse of his neighbors in 1910 in Florida’s Ten Thousand Islands. Imagine encountering this book and discovering two things: Matthiessen had actually written a trilogy about this event through the 90’s and then collected them into one volume, which he rewrote, condensing them to this one volume. I felt like I’d struck gold. In the second volume of the story, Watson’s son’s story is told from adulthood (with flashbacks) as he attempts to figure out his father’s tumultuous life which led to his death. In the final installment, Watson’s story is told from his point of view, childhood to his demise. With each volume we get a richer understanding of the conflicting points of view which collided there in southern Florida. The best fiction illuminates without overtly preaching, and this trilogy leaves us wondering how guilty Watson was, though understanding how he could have provoked his own killing. Unfortunately I did several things which led to me not having this book in my library anymore. I loaned the trilogy to a very good friend, but ve-e-e-r-r-ry slow reader. That was 11 years ago. Last year I donated the original book, Killing Mr. Watson to a local bookstore dealing in used books. Then, just three weeks ago, I visited my slow-reading friend who offered the book back to me (unread), but I mentally mistook this book for the one-volume story and told him to keep it. Oh well.
Five days after I mistakenly left a cherished book in another’s hands, I had the opportunity to revisit the Nye Beach Book House where I had bought these wonderfully received books. Sadly, I found it had closed only ten months before.
I know where all but the most outstanding independent booksellers are headed. Too much of what they offered can be easily handled online. I buy 95% of my books to be delivered to the Kindle app. I might be 72, but the ability to make the text bigger, to look up an unknown word just by highlighting it, and to mark passages and be able to find them again is just irresistible. Yes, there is an aesthetic plus to a physical book, but when I occasionally read them these days, I feel hampered by the inability to do those things an e-book can do. But…I thought a store like Nye Beach Book House would survive, especially given its touristy location in Newport, OR.
But readers like me, more than young readers, must shoulder the bulk of the blame. As I’ve just described, I have many positive reasons to read an e-book, and few to read a physical book. Physical books require light and that’s an issue when I’m sitting in bed trying to drag the bedside lamp ever-closer. I’ve tried those so-called ‘book lights’ and hated them all. Physical books require me to hold them. I currently have lifting restrictions on both arms due to break the radius in both of them. Minor things: it’s easier to lose your place in a physical book—whoops, the bookmark just fell out, or, I just dropped the book; I worry about bending the pages; some are printed poorly.
FWIW, my unread book status is just five books short of 400. But of those, we must note (with embarrassment) that only 262 are not “reference” books of which the vast majority are cookbooks. My library cataloging program, LibraryThing, has many strengths, but doing a complicated Boolean search doesn’t seem to be among them. We’ll have to take an educated guess and say that there are about 130 physical books I’ve tagged “to read” (or perhaps I’ve encountered and said, “nah’). Will I read these when e-books present so many positives? Yes. I just read Hamnet a physical book gifted to me by the same person who now holds my treasured Shadow Country. I’m reading a thick, thick Lord of the Rings which holds all six ‘books’ and which I’ve not read for over 40 years. I think the physical books I own will get read at a slow but steady pace, but I’m old enough to know there will be unread ones. I recently bought a book in physical form from a local arborist and native plant enthusiast. It looked too beautiful to encounter electronically.
And there’s where an e-library falls flat. I’ve purchased books which purport to reproduce the original’s photographs and illustrations, but it’s seldom if ever been as good as I know the physical book must have been. Additionally, how can I impress visitors with my vast and well-read habits! I submit:
The peak of my library. Many books were left behind, some of these have departed, and few have joined. July 2012.
It’s…a poem. Conceived while driving 35mph around turns, barely speeding up on a short straightaway, then braking for the next set of chicanery.
Rumble Strip
Rumble, grumble, rumble strip. Tell me I've transgressed. Painted lines define my limits but frankly, I protest. Sometimes you hide between those lines, sometimes you sit right on them. We won't discuss your shoulder twin who keeps me on all roads. On this mountain highway, full of twists, of turns, it's not too likely I'll nod off, bored, but still you're stern. Worse than my car's lane-keeping notes, which shrilly scold just me, you warn each transgressing car so non-discriminately. I'll mention briefly how you blind when rain sits in your grooves: when puddles bounce bright sunshine into my eyes--so rude. In short, your presence seems quite useless on this twisting mountain road. Why don't you haunt our cities, and quit this useless scold.
colors add nothing to dim lighting dark wood panels evoking creepy scenes of disciplinary sessions. Spa-like ambiance collides with strict Catholic teachings. "how many days will you be staying with us?" Bars (plural)? Sure, tolerated then, now. Amoral 'cosmic travelers'? More problematic. Why wonder about your nightly bill when surrounded by such groovy wonderfulness?
Stuck on this raft of my own making. Floating life's river, ostensibly like you but it's not great over here. It's not 'copacetic' or 'hopeful'. I'm hitting shoals while you sail freely. This stretch doesn't measure up.
This one’s a definite work in progress and likely an opening act for something much larger, perhaps joined to another couple I’ve written lately.
Looking SW at Vantage, WA. Look closely and maybe you can see the Columbia River. Perhaps you can see the bridge for I-90 across the bridge? Surely you can see it! It’s a half-mile long, right there in the middle of the photo. How about the ridges on the opposite side of the river? Photo unretouched. August 2026.
"Smoke 'em if you've got them," and baby, do we. Fires ravage more than brush, trees, meadows. Fires ravage lives, plans, communities. Where smoke lies, fires burn: why don't I see smoke in my mirror each morning? Where's smoke as I gaze on my love? Doesn't smoke envelop me when when I read or hear headlines? How can I see out of my car, encountering those who lack driving skills? How can we see our dawn when fires surround us? Our world's on fire, yet we bemoan smoke.
Everything poetries around me. Words pool at my ankles, crowd my shoulders, cry, "Use me! Use me!" Barely can I focus on those here before another set taps me on my shoulder to get my attention. I'm a stenographer in this crowded room of strange voices.