You’re officially old

And you know that you’re over the hill
When your mind makes a promise that your body can’t fill.

“Old Folks Boogie” by Little Feat

I’m sure someone got excited when they received this offer in the mail from AARP. September 2025.

The American Association of Retired Persons (which only wants to go by AARP now for fairly obvious reasons) sent a fundraising request to me yesterday. If I send their foundation a paltry $12, I can get that nifty clock/calculator thingy pictured above! Oh, however will I resist? I don’t know what would be handier than to tell someone on the phone, “Just a minute, young man, I’m going to get my calculator to see if that Nigerian property is a good deal! Hold on, I just have to put this phone down. The cord doesn’t reach that far,” and off I’ll shuffle. (We shuffle because of course all old people shuffle.) It will be a long trip because the clock will reside on my nightstand at the other end of the house. Then of course I’ll have to shuffle back, make all those scruffly noises as I fumble the phone up to my ear, drop the receiver again, and while muttering “oh my…” make all those noises again. Presuming the nice young man is still on the phone, we’ll have to start punching the numbers. Oh, I do hope I can hear him okay! It’s such a bother when we have to start all over because I didn’t hear right, or when I accidentally press the Clear button on the calculator.

If only someone would invent something that just had a phone, a clock, and a calculator in it! And while they’re at it, maybe it could be, …oh, I dunno, ….cordless?

[Full disclosure: I’m 71 years old as I write this. How old does someone have to be to think, “wow, that’s a pretty slick lookin’ little calculator-clock!”?]

Caveat lector

…or “Reader, beware”. Today I’m reading a lengthy piece on why major appliances seem to break down so much (yes, really), which was posted on a popular buying guide website (rhymes with Spire Sputter). It’s an interesting article up until I read this to support a statement about appliances being “even cheaper than they were 50 years ago”:

In 1972, Sears sold a clothes washer for $220 and a dryer for $90, per 2022 research by AARP Magazine. That’s about $2,389 in 2025, adjusted for inflation. Today you can get a washer-and-dryer pair on sale from Sears for around $1,200.

And suddenly my BS meter started pinging. Okay, I’ve got a near-degree in economics and a head for rudimentary statistics. I also was 18 years old in 1972, so I’ve got a feel for that end of the timeline cited. But still….this just seems to be wrong on so many levels. Let’s assume the poorly worded second sentence means that the washer/dryer combo cost $310 (220+90) and in 2025 it would be $2,389. That’s almost exactly 7.7 times more. In 1973 (close enough) I took a fringe job at a hospital which paid $2.65/hour including the shift differential I got for working swing shift. There were a few down-on-their-luck old bachelors who managed to survive on that in scuzzy little apartments where they drank the cheapest beer they could find while eating the cheapest pizza you could buy at a grocery store. Doing the math, that’s $106 for a 40-hour week, and $5,512 for a 52-week year. And 7.7 times that is…$42,442.40!! I sincerely doubt that I could find a menial job which pays $20.41/hour.

Just to add some more perspective, during the almost four years I worked as a reporter from 1977-1981, I earned from $200/week to $250/week. I actually was looking at another job in the $10K range when I said, “this is nuts, I can barely live on this after four years? And now a daily wants to pay me the same thing?” After an indiscriminate raise to $250/week I agreed with the new publisher that $225 was more reasonable, so let’s use $11,700/year. That was the beginning of 1979. I think this is ridiculously conservative, but let’s halve that inflation factor to 3.85 and see what it gets us…whoa! $45,045? For a beginning reporter? I doubt it. Unfortunately I can’t compare this to weekly newspapers because that industry has gone through a complete upheaval over the past 20 years and I don’t think many exist in 2025.

I could rant on and on about any number of indicators you could look at. My only point here is to think about the numbers you see. You don’t have to be adept at mental arithmetic as I guess I am. (It’s what my family and friends say.) It’s nearly a no-brainer, though, to look at $220 and $2389 to see you’ve gone from a 3-digit number to a 4-digit number and they both start with 2. That suggests a factor of ten; add a zero to the $220 figure to see and yup, $2200 is getting pretty close to $2389. Then you might figure out like I did that the author means for you to add in the dryer, but by then you’re in the ballpark. You’ve only performed rudimentary arithmetic, nothing strenuous, and nothing you need to haul out your phone’s calculator app for. (Of course, if you really like the ever-listening digital assistant and haven’t turned off its spying, you could just say, “Hey [insert name], what’s two-thousand-eighty-nine divided by two-hundred-and-twenty?”)

Figures never lie, but liars figure, salespeople figure you won’t check, well-meaning but not overly ambitious reporters won’t, and they’re okay with that because they don’t think their readers will check either. And I’m leaning into that: I considered a different measure which actually supports what was reported—but I didn’t include it because it doesn’t support me!

If I ran a restaurant…

Mallard at Lake Lynn, Raleigh, NC. April 2017.

… I would serve a dish of duxelles, a French term referring to a mince of mushrooms, onions, herbs and black pepper which is then reduced to a paste. I’d add cream and a dash of madeira. I would serve this as a two- to three-inch smear over sliced breast of duck. I’d call it …

Dux’ and Quackers

[Patrons will kindly stop throwing bottles at the stage.]

Association in black

A study in black. June 2024.
  • Paint It, Black
  • “I’ll have a black-and-tan”
  • I’m way too close to that Doberman….
  • Your Tax Dollars At Work (and a 15-minute delay on the highway)
  • “And this was the artist’s Black Period, noted more for its playful use of browns and other earth tones than for the use of black which of course prevailed throughout his career.”
  • Lava still looks hot–don’t touch!
  • I think I saw Spock do a mind-meld with that thing.
  • Huh! Next time I won’t pre-heat the cast iron on the BBQ before I put in the cornbread batter.

Frivolous Friday

The piece I wrote last night isn’t quite ready, my tasks outpaced my time available, and I really want something to be posted. Ergo….

THOSE WHO DAWDLE MUST STAND ON CURB

I guess the two on the curb are crossing guards. May 2024, Raleigh, NC.

One of the best blues-rock live albums of my lifetime: “LIVE” FULL HOUSE by J. Geils Band, released 1972. “Whammer Jammer, lemme hear ya, Dickey!” and Mister Magic Dick on the lickin’ stick takes off with some serious Southside harmonica work. (YouTube also has a 1979 video of the band performing this onstage–worth it for Magic Dick’s bush of hair alone.)

Ideas I will never write (feel free to steal):

  • I was only hunting moonbeams/But my eyes got in the way
  • The scariest monsters don’t lurk under your bed. The scariest ones climb into bed with you and pretend to love you.
  • “He’ll worry all about the bugs on the windshield but not about the car coming at him in his own lane.” Not sure where that is from. Was it me?
  • Many people will travel the world on a regular basis but will be unfamiliar with the land and culture within a 300-mile radius of where they live.
The oak-leaf hydrangea has recovered from the complete devastation of the squirrels two years ago. Though only one stalk remains, it has leaves on it as big as a small dinner plate, and this lone but lovely bloom cluster. May 2024.

Things that drive me nuts

  • “We are experiencing higher than normal call volumes. Please be patient. Your call is important to us.” [geez, where do I start?]
  • “This page intentionally left blank.” [If I were a robot in Star Trek, this would make me melt.]
  • Signing into my password manager so that I can sign into my credit card account so that they will send a code via text so that I can enter that and finally get into the website…only to see that I signed into the wrong credit card website.
  • Getting an apparently computer-generated email about how sorry my propane company feels after I complained in the obligatory follow-up survey about waiting over two weeks for propane. (Good thing it’s not my primary source of heat!) Should I be surprised it took two months for their response to be sent?
  • Robocalls spoofing real numbers.
  • Experts who forget the difficulties beginners face.
  • People who say they lost an hour when switching to Daylight Saving Time. [OK, time is a construct and yes, a hour was taken out arbitrarily, but…does the sun not come up and set in the same amount of time, more or less, as it did before the switch?]
  • Receiving mail for my father, deceased for over nine years, at my address where he never lived!
  • Companies which successfully lobby for a law or regulation, then tell their customers, “I’m sorry, but it’s required by the government.”
  • The prevalent use of complimentary for complementary. [In fact, I just searched to see if somehow the meaning had drifted over time. No, it hasn’t, but the top search result said “Complimentary rebooking | Singapore Airlines”]
  • Being able to find a typo or word misusage every day in the local TV news broadcast.
  • Being able to find a typo or word misusage almost every day in the New York Times.
  • Fanatics clinging to nonsensical word usage rules. [See typos/word misusage! Not every misusage is nonsensical!]
  • Circular logic.
  • The so-called smart side mirrors on my car which never return to the same position two consecutive times.
  • and…that this was just off the top of my head and I’ve likely forgotten twice as many in the moment!