Dawn, October Fifth

I took myself outside to seek a dawn which did not come.

Tulip poplar. October 2026.
Cool, cooler than most mornings we've 
had for the past five or more months.
Dawn's only evidence: white sky where
once night's charcoal glowed with city lights.
Occasional cool breezes stir the tulip poplar
leaves, make the yellow ones dance excitedly.
Acorns have started their rat-a-tat assault
on neighborhood roofs. Only ours seems
spared, which also seems impossible.
Cawing crows on the move signal some
kind of discontent. Who knows with crows?
Murky morning light half-reveals visitors
to bird feeders full once again with seed:
cardinals claim high perches; nuthatches
perform hit-and-run, exuberant, vocal.
Gray squirrels blend into the bland,
starting their day-long search for dropped
seeds and other treasures. In front, cars
swish by more frequently with each minute.
Dawn marks morning's commute these days.

Now Wren takes up his daily post on our
stairway, trilling his claims to the morning,
or perhaps just boasting. His simple song
gets answered by another wren who voices
"Where'dja eat? Where'dja eat? Where'dja eat?"
Scree-ing discontent or merely hunting, a
red-shouldered hawk cries from the top
of the tree canopy, scattering cardinals,
but not anyone else. A third wren joins his
friends with a shrill version of the cardinals'
soft sibilance, and rail-wren answers.
Overhead, one of man's attempts to
emulate birds whines, sounding as if
it will imminently be crashing.

Do you remember when you woke as
a child and the day held nothing but
possibilities? When all that mattered
was Now? When so little Past sat on
your shoulders, you couldn't feel it?
Hairy woodpecker at suet feeder. October 2026.

97/100
100 poems in 100 days

Procreation

I’m flat running on poetic fumes. Numbers 99 and 100 have outlines, but we’re not there yet. This is one of three in the countdown to the countdown. I’m not being aided by what seems to be a slight relapse toward the sick end of the spectrum.

This is what happens when you have children. My brother, circa 1989 when his children were aged approximately 7 and 4.
Never having children,
I decided not to grow up.
Perhaps, rather, these two
thoughts intertwined,
reinforcing the other.
Prospective parenthood
seemed to demand more
maturity than I cared to
exhibit on a continual
basis. And toys! Surely
I deserved toys as much,
no, more than some lucky
random assignation of
my genes?

Truly this screams of
revisionist history.
My arrival at the
Maturity Party came
late. I could not more
think of children while
teaching 150 of 'em
each day than I could
see how my chances to
sire some dwindled each
year I drifted away from
my partner. One last gasp,
one chance to Be The Dad,
dashed when my new wife
vanquished cancer but
destroyed motherhood in
the process. Just as well.
Advanced Childhood has
served me as well as
Stumbling Adulthood
seems to have served others.

96/100
100 poems in 100 days

Wanted

“Ever get the feeling you’ve been cheat’ed?”

—Johnny Rotten on “No Fun (excerpts)” from Troublemakers, an anthology album

Author’s brother (left) and author Seattle Center, September 1965
This should be my
second childhood.
I remember
childhood, or I
think I do. Days
shimmered, each one
full of promise:
unbounded time,
more valuable
than gold, silver.
Complaints only
when I heard THAT
call: "time to come
in"—"time for bed,
young man"—"c'mon
it's time for church".
I still rail, still
complain to The
Adult, but he
lives in my head
now. I want to
subcontract my
adulthood so
I can play through-
out my adult
childhood. This role
requires timely
attention to
details of my
life without one
whit of bother
to me...ah, but
then I would need
to hire someone
to watch that first
one. Where would it
end? No, better
to restrain my
adulthood to
its bare, needful
minimum, let
my child command
ev'rything else.

51/100