Blush of spring
about this blog
what frustration feels like
In the approximately 18 months I’ve been writing this blog of…whatever it is, I’ve accumulated 31 essays or starts to essays which haven’t been published or weren’t worthy of being finished; 16 unpublished poems; three different memoirs which will never see the light of day; a rough draft of a play; the outline for a novella; a political satire; three chapters of a science fiction story blended with politics; and three dozen idea starters plus a dozen or two “snippets” to prime the writing pump. This doesn’t count some old blog entries which could be polished up and republished, journal entries which shall remain private, and older pieces of writing which predate using OneNote as a writing notebook.
Today I spent two to three hours writing what was supposedly going to be a ranging, breezy, entertaining look at my relationship to time and a look at time itself. When I stopped I had a pedantic, trivial piece of crap such as I would’ve written on deadline for the newspaper and never thought about again. “Disappointing” is when your realization is a pale copy of your dream; “abject failure” is when your beautiful idea is born as devil-spawn and requires an immediate stake through its heart.
No wonder I mostly put up photos.
Engine 2
don’t help me, I want to fall
True creatives relax the fierce grips most of us place on sanity, societal norms, orthopraxy, trends, and well-meaning advice from friends and acquaintances, even relaxing the grip on having acquaintances. Foremost among these, the creative accepts insanity, allows it to dwell inside: allows the voices to speak, to be heard, to take over, voices which suggest new and totally different ways to think, to do, to sing, to view life, to write, to design that building.
I may learn a set of rules which seek to bind me to the doctrine of electrical engineering, biochemistry, pedagogy, painting, poetry, investment banking, mapmaking, archiving, heavy construction, medicine, the law, or managing a grocery store, but as a creative I use this knowledge as a springboard to think, to act out, to say, “well that’s all well and good, but what about this?”
Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist.”
Pablo Picasso
blind pig finds acorn
My father was notorious for finding a way to muck up a photograph. Favored methods:
- Using a wide angle Instamatic (pause while he shudders), take a photo of an animal or bird you see in the mid-distance. Photo has a brownish dot in the center (maybe) that can be anything.
- Shoot a portrait-type shot of people looking directly into the sun, squinting. Cut off only their feet. Alternately, shoot from too far away and make sure photographer’s shadow is prominently displayed in foreground.
- Line up your group shot in front of a window, glass-fronted artwork, or better yet, a mirror. Shoot with a flash.
That’s just a minor list. I’ve tackled sorting through the photos I brought home in mid-2020 when we cleared out my parents’ house in late July. I’m primarily interested in photographic proof of them, their sons (me and my brother), and the relatives and friends who they encountered during their lives. Every once in a while, though, I come across a photo which makes me wonder how it ever happened, such as the one above.
The photo above is unretouched except I blurred out a few white spots in the dark sky where the cheap photo developer couldn’t be bothered with blowing off dust on the negative. This is a natural light photo and the falls are not lit. It appears to have been shot from a restaurant currently called Anthony’s at Spokane Falls. The shot is looking due east to the kind of clouds which Spokane seldom sees as the sun sets. That’s Canada Island on the left which splits the Spokane River. The cataracts on the north side of the island are approximately the same. I unfortunately mislabeled the photo, so I’m not entirely sure of the date, but I recall it was in March, and it sits between a photo from June 1992 and one from July 1993.
Some day I may try to retouch it and see if I can make it look better, but there’s not a lot you can do with the photos taken back then. I don’t have the negatives; I had to scan this from the print. I’ll likely just leave it and remember that my father could take a good photo now and then. And I can tell you for certain that he never stopped trying! I’ve four or five storage boxes full of prints to attest to that!
Washington (for B.)
One of the few blogs I follow recently commented in passing about Washington State in the USA and said, “I hear it’s breathtaking.” (You know who you are.) Although Oregon and California give it a run for the money, those states are not as geographically diverse. I moved from the state where I grew up in 1992, prior to digital photography, returned when crude digitals were just being introduced, left again in 2001, and visited selectively from that point forward. Most of these photos, therefore, are from an Introduction to Washington trip we did with our NC friends in 2017 when forest fire smoke hazed the atmosphere. Forthwith:
I could continue: the North Cascade Mountains (or the Olympics! or the volcanoes of Mounts St. Helens/Rainier/Adams/Baker); the ‘true’ Columbia Gorge from Portland, OR/Vancouver, WA east for 60-100 miles; the scablands shown here by inference in the Vantage photo; the Puget Sound inland waterway which with the Salish Sea offer a worthy challenger to Chesapeake Bay on the east coast; and…but let’s stop there. I think I need to plan another trip to Washington!
No Parking zone
Things that drive me nuts
- “We are experiencing higher than normal call volumes. Please be patient. Your call is important to us.” [geez, where do I start?]
- “This page intentionally left blank.” [If I were a robot in Star Trek, this would make me melt.]
- Signing into my password manager so that I can sign into my credit card account so that they will send a code via text so that I can enter that and finally get into the website…only to see that I signed into the wrong credit card website.
- Getting an apparently computer-generated email about how sorry my propane company feels after I complained in the obligatory follow-up survey about waiting over two weeks for propane. (Good thing it’s not my primary source of heat!) Should I be surprised it took two months for their response to be sent?
- Robocalls spoofing real numbers.
- Experts who forget the difficulties beginners face.
- People who say they lost an hour when switching to Daylight Saving Time. [OK, time is a construct and yes, a hour was taken out arbitrarily, but…does the sun not come up and set in the same amount of time, more or less, as it did before the switch?]
- Receiving mail for my father, deceased for over nine years, at my address where he never lived!
- Companies which successfully lobby for a law or regulation, then tell their customers, “I’m sorry, but it’s required by the government.”
- The prevalent use of complimentary for complementary. [In fact, I just searched to see if somehow the meaning had drifted over time. No, it hasn’t, but the top search result said “Complimentary rebooking | Singapore Airlines”]
- Being able to find a typo or word misusage every day in the local TV news broadcast.
- Being able to find a typo or word misusage almost every day in the New York Times.
- Fanatics clinging to nonsensical word usage rules. [See typos/word misusage! Not every misusage is nonsensical!]
- Circular logic.
- The so-called smart side mirrors on my car which never return to the same position two consecutive times.
- and…that this was just off the top of my head and I’ve likely forgotten twice as many in the moment!
Golden times
In October 2011 my wife and I rented a house just outside Newport, OR, where we vacationed with my brother, his daughter, and our parents. Our last night there an amazing set of conditions created one different sunset after another. (I’ve posted other photos of it here and here.) For more than twenty minutes I stood on the bluff outside the house snapping photos as the rest of my family waited to go to dinner. We might have had reservations, I don’t remember. I ignored their growing impatience to capture these photos. Thus, the photos have an undercurrent of discontent, though I don’t regret taking them. It represented the self-centeredness they would say I’ve had all my life. I’ll have to explore this later.
electric lizard
all the voices in my head 